Advice Unplugged: My Best Friend Is Now Best Friends With My Ex!
Thomas helps a sender who can no longer trust his best friend...
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My Best Friend Is Now Best Friends With My Ex!
Hi Thomas! I'm an 18 year old boy who lives in London. A girl who I used to think was my best friend (we were best friends since I met her in Year 7 over six years ago). Anyway, she's now become best friends with my ex-girlfriend (we were going out for 3 years and only broke up around 6 months ago). I introduced them to eachother when we were dating but they never really hit it off. All of a sudden, they're best friends. I used to confide in my best friend about the appalling things my girlfriend was doing during our break up, such as not paying me back and generally being a horrible person.
Now the two of them are getting even closer and go to parties together and my friend has ecome very defensive of her. I feel pushed to the side, hurt and betrayed. Should I keep her as my best friend?
Dear Anonymous Sideline,Thank you for your send in. This is not a very easy situation remedy as there is a lot going on here. I am sure that you are feeling many different things right now, confusion, hurt, betrayal and most of all the uneasy feeling of not knowing what is being said about you (if anything at all). Let us look at this situation logically for a moment. You have over six years of history with your best friend. You may have introduced your best friend to your ex-girlfriend, but that is only a natural step in the progression of a relationship. Before you make any decisions as to keeping or letting go of your best friend, I would suggest making a time for the two of you to have a tea or coffee, go for a walk, do something which you both enjoy so that you can speak to her directly about your thoughts on this subject.
Communication is key and honesty is the best policy, so it only makes sense to discuss what you are thinking and the effects that you are experiencing with the friendship between your ex-girlfriend and your best friend.Remember, do not get emotional, place blame or act defensive - this will put her on guard and force her to become reactionary as she may feel attacked. Keep calm and collected and use the facts. Be nice, caring and gentle - you will get more with honey than you will with vinegar. Think about it and let me know how you make out.Let me know how you make out...
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