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Life Lessons: The Card Games Society

Roman Armstrong writes about the Wizardus Radius and it's most powerful cards...

Life Lessons: The Card Games Society

Roman Armstrong

W!ZARD News Author

Gerald and Bartholomew made up two halfs of the renowned Card Games Society (hereby abbreviated to CGS because I am lazy) at Littleborough College.

Gerald, the society’s president, made every effort to keep their title as society of the year by ensuring that they took part in external competitions (and of course winning them) and also maintaining the 100% satisfactory rating from all of its members. The CGS had been the prestigious society of the year at the college for 3 years now... it was the only society there to be fair

Bartholomew was in complete awe of Gerald and his power as the president. Whatever Gerald said, Bartholomew respected it, even if Gerald’s words were prosperous. Gerald even promised to make Bartholomew the vice president of the society... one day... Anyway, there was a new game that had swept the CGS by storm (which admittedly isn’t that hard because of the lack of members) and it went by the name of Wizardus Radius.

It was a fantasy narrative role player game, where each participant would portray a character and lead a quest into the foggy forrest, battling all sorts of ferocious beings and find the hidden jewels of the lost king of the western islands. This game was mighty addictive, mind you, and took over the lives of all the society’s members.

You see, there were special cards, which you could only get from limited edition packs, which you could only find at limited edition corner shops. In fact, there was one card that was the most powerful card out of every card ever printed in all time ever... and it went by the name of: the Jamesius Gilmorius. This card was so rare, there was only one in existence and any time a player used it, they would automatically win the game.

One day, Gerald was setting up the room for the weekly meeting. He laid out all of the cards for a quick game of Wizardus Radius and also brought in some new card games just in case the two of them wanted to try something different, which they obviously wouldn’t want to do because Wizardus Radius is amazing. However, Bartholomew was running late, which wasn’t like him. Eventually, he burst threw the door, sweating like a man in a panic, which he also was.

“Bartholomew,” Gerald queried, “what has gotten into you? You’re a whole minute late”. “Sorry, Mr. President,” the boy responded, “I was busy running back from the corner shop getting some new cards”. “Right, well we haven’t got time for chitter chatter any more, young man,” they were the same age, “now settle down and lets start playing”.

The game commenced, and all seemed to be leaning heavily in Gerald’s favour. In fact, Gerald managed to wipe out every card Bartholomew had in his hand, bar one. Gerald’s smug smile invited Bartholomew, the clear loser, to place his final card and admit defeat. He did so, but defeat he did not great for the final card Bartholomew had up his sleeve (it wasn’t up his sleeve he never cheats) was in fact the Jamesius Gilmorius.

The look on Gerald’s face. “Does that mean I win?” he said to the president, and the feeling of finally being able to be a smart arse felt wonderful. “What the? Where did you get this from?” Bartholomew explained that he bought a lucky dip pack from his local newsagents and it was in there, as though it was destined for him. Gerald explained the wondrous opportunities that this card now offered the pair, and the two of them went on to win national and international championships. They even used it to go to top VIP clubs in London and even stop worldwide conflict.

However, Gerald started to sideline Bartholomew and he took complete advantage of the card’s potential: he bought a massive mansion in Hawaii and slept with many beautiful people. Bartholomew was left in England, with no cards and no society to go to anymore.

Eventually, the company behind Wizardus Radius brought out a new card, the Romanius Armstrongius, which was the only card that could beat the infamous Jamesius Gilmorius.

Gerald lost everything and returned home just in time for his GCSE’s. But because he had missed so many lessons, he failed all of them. Feeling like he had nobody to turn to, Gerald lived on the streets, homeless, hopeless. On a dismal day of begging for money, who should pass the once president of the CSG? Well that was none other than Bartholomew himself, who had 9A* and a B under his belt and was on his way to 6th Form.

After some deliberation, Bartholomew managed to get Gerald back on his feet and helped him find his parents, who were happy to have their son back. Everybody lived happily ever after at Littleborough College in London and they promised to never take card games too seriously ever again.

Life Lessons is taken from Roman Armstrong's weekly radio show, click here to listen on demand.

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